Bailout: 2042

Okay. Here’s the plan.

Everyone under 40 years-old… STOP SAVING FOR RETIREMENT. NOW.

That’s right.

Stop socking money away in your 401k. Stop buying stocks, bonds, CDs, whatever. Fire your broker and tell your financial advisor to take a hike.

Get all that money back… Get all your credit cards together…

And spend it. Spend it all!

Go on vacation.
Buy a new car.
Have a huge party with all your friends.
Try skydiving.
Whatever.
Just take that money you were saving for retirement, and spend it.

Have a blast!

…Yeah, I know it sounds crazy. And probably goes against some of our “gut” instincts about what’s right, and what’s not.

But you’ve got to trust me on this one.

Because if there’s one thing we’ve learned about personal, fiscal responsibility in the last few months is…YOU DON’T NEED IT!

Isn’t that awesome!

There is no reason whatsoever to keep a budget, balance your checkbook, or even pay your bills. That stuff is way overrated.

Can you smell the freedom!?

…Look, I know this sounds crazy, but we have NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. Because the Government’s got our backs. And the Government is, like, HUGE.

So no matter how stupid, or irresponsible we are with our money, and our lives (let the suckaz call it what they want), we will not starve. In fact, we’ll most definitely come out ahead. And rightfully so. I mean, what else is our Government there for? We PAY for it, for crying out loud!

And here’s the beautiful part: the worse we make it, the BETTER it’s going to be! Because if only a few of us throw caution into the wind and live life to it’s fullest NOW, then the chances of Uncle Sam coming to our rescue aren’t so good.

But if ALL of us do it… TENS of MILLIONS of us do it… it can’t fail!

Think about it. 35-or-so years from, there we are, millions of us, all of a sudden either retired or (gasp) layed-off from our jobs. With no where to go. And more importantly, no money to PARTICIPATE IN THE ECONOMY with!

How SAD is that!? And that’s when the news stories start pouring in.

I mean, what plucky up-and-comer at your local news station WOULDN’T do a story on the BIGGEST, SADDEST CATASTROPHE EVER?!? (We won’t call it a “crisis”, that’s so 2008).

Think of the headlines! Think of the empathy!

Then all we have to do is sit back, and let the bailout come to us.

“But wait” you say, “Isn’t that just OUR tax dollars being used to bail us out?!”

Aha. And that’s the real beauty here. It’s not OUR tax dollars, it’s our CHILDREN’S tax dollars.  Let THEM figure it out.

Hey, the Government always finds a way, right?

So, my fellow Americans, who’s with me!?!?

Here’s to living in the present. And living life to it’s fullest.

Here’s to 2042 !!!

Huzzah!

e

Punks, By The Throat

I was wondering if I was the only one who noticed the New York Policeman grab that kid by the THROAT last night at the home run derby.

 

Apparently not:

 

http://www.prosportsdaily.com/forums/showthread.php?t=245985